***If you haven't already read yesterdays post, please read it before you read this one, as this is the next chapter in the ongoing saga...***
Yesterday Duck missed school because she had a Dentist appointment 1.5 hours from here. The school was aware that she would be absent that day due to her appointment. The secretary had written it on the Calendar, and I had mentioned it to the Principal when I spoke to her on the phone the day before yesterday. There is no way she could have made it to school yesterday. Her appointment was for 10:50am, so we had to leave here at 9:20am. We sat in the waiting room until 11:35am. The appointment took until 12:35pm. Then we drove home which took until 3:00pm because we stopped to get her something to eat.
As soon as I finished typing that last post Tiger got home from school crying. He said that over the course of the day he had been quizzed by the Principal, the Vice Principal, the Secretary, his Teacher, his school Counsellor, and Duck's teacher about Duck's whereabouts. He said they kept picking on him and would not leave him alone and was very upset.
Later I went through his backpack. Guess what was there. Just take a wild guess... There was a letter from the Principal that said that she was concerned about Duck's absences and that it is required by her board policy that she notify the Attendance Counsellor for lengthy or numerous absences. Again, Duck has only missed 5.5 days. It also states that a copy of the letter went in to Duck's OSR, which is her permanent record. Yes folks, this was all over a dentist appointment that the Principal and the school already knew about... There is no doubt that this letter was written simply because I called her back the other day and told her that most of the absences were due to the children being sent home from school and had nothing to do with me keeping them home...
So, now my problem gets more intense. I immediately thought of pulling them out and starting homeschooling immediately. However, upon looking at the Homeschooling policies for my region it states that a homeschooling family will be investigated if the child was pulled out of public school due to ongoing conflicts with the school, or had a history of absences prior to being pulled out. While I doubt her 5.5 absences last term would qualify as a history of absences there is no doubt that the school would pull the ongoing conflicts clause...
I have to do something though. If Tiger gets one of her letters (he has to miss half a day next week due to a counselling appointment) put in his OSR it will have a direct affect on his application to the new school. Also, as many of you know, Jake and I are currently trying to get custody of his kids. We go to trial in May. The children's lawyer has access to all of my children's school records and has permission to contact the school. When we gave permission for him to have access to the information we thought it would be helpful. Now a copy of that attendance letter is in Duck's permanent file and could come back to hurt us. Yes, the Principal is aware that we are fighting for custody - she's constantly questioning me about it.
So folks what do I do... I checked into it and found out that I can put something into her OSR but I cannot remove anything. I want to go to the school and get a copy of the attendance records, and then I want to write a letter to be placed in the OSR. I know the dates that they have missed due to appointments, but I am unsure of the dates that they have missed due to being sent home from school. I also want to have a meeting with the Principal and the teachers involved regarding it.
I just don't know how to go about this. Should I go in there on Tuesday and simply ask to see the attendance records, see if they will photocopy them, and try to get the Principal to sign them? Then when I got home I could write the letter to be included in the OSR, with documentation signed by the Principal to back it up. But what if she won't sign it? Heck, what if she won't show me the records...
I also want a meeting with the teachers regarding the report cards. Last June both Tiger and Duck had report cards from the same school with almost all B's and a couple C's. This year in both terms they've got more D's than anything else. Do kids go down hill that quickly??? The funny thing is that last year when he was having all of the behaviour problems at school and getting sent home 3 days a week he was bringing home decent report cards, but this year when he's not getting sent home his report cards aren't very good. It just doesn't make sense to me. Would there be any point in bringing this into the discussion?
I know that no one can tell me what to do, and that whatever I do has to be my decision and in the best interests of my children. But I'm not sure how to go about any of this. I don't know what to do. I know the way this woman operates and I know that I have to go in there with a level head, but I really need some pointers. How do I handle this situation with dignity and tact without falling into their game or stooping to their level...
So, please tell me if you were in my situation, what would you do? How would you handle it? Should I be asking for the attendance records and writing the letter, or just letting it go so that no more trouble is stirred up?
I'm so glad this is a 4 day weekend, so I have lots of cooling off time before I go into that school...
A long time ago I used to homeschool tiger, but when my ex-husband and I split up I had to work outside the home for a while in order to make up for his lost income. At that time with deep regret I put Tiger into the public school system. The first school was great, and maintained constant contact with me to find out what worked with Tiger and how I taught him certain concepts.
In December of 2005 we moved out here to the boonies and made the huge mistake of transferring schools. The Principle of this school is dead set against homeschooling and has no respect for mothers, My older children have always been in the Public School System, and I have never, in my life walked into a school and felt as uncomfortable and intimidated as I do when I walk into the school that Tiger and Duck both currently attend.
In February of last year I posted that the Principal had called me and said that she felt that Tiger had ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder) because of his behaviour at school. I was so impressed that she felt she had the qualifications to make such a diagnosis. I have a real problem with the school system being so quick to label children and drug them. In the old days teachers knew how to handle kids, and kids weren't drugged in order to be compliant. Of course, her theory didn't hold up because the behaviour was not consistent between school and home.
At home he is sweet, and helpful, and never gets upset or argues. At home he is one of those kids who says "Whatever happens, happens." He doesn't worry, and doesn't get irritable when things go wrong - he just looks for ways to fix what's wrong. If he does by chance get upset at home, he gives himself a self-imposed time out because he needs time to himself. We had several meetings at the school regarding his behaviour when he was there. I explained to them that if he knew he had a place where he could be alone to cool off for 5 minutes he wouldn't get upset and the disturbances would likely stop - I even suggested that if they didn't have a place where he could go, the bathroom would probably even work. I was told by the Principal that giving him 5 minutes to himself would be impossible because of safety reasons, and that even alone time in the bathroom was not going to happen.
I know that Tiger is no angel at school and that he does behave the way they say he does when he's there - but sometimes the behaviour is provoked. There was one incident last year that the Principal herself told me about where she told Tiger "not to be so stupid", and then was surprised when he lost it and yelled: "You just called me stupid. You can't do that. You're the stupidest Principal I ever had". Of course she sent him home for calling her stupid and suspended him for the following day... She failed to realize that her calling him stupid in the first place was what had caused the problem. As a Principal and a mother she should have known better...
At that time I started taking Tiger to Children's Mental Health Services to talk to a counsellor. When I told the Principal that I was going to take him there regarding his behaviour at school, she told me not to. When I asked her why, she told me that Children's Mental Health Services was against the public school system. I told her I was against Principals that want to make a diagnosis and drug a child who was perfectly happy when he was homeschooled and who has no behaviour problems at home. I even had Psychometric Testing done to see if he has a Learning Disability. According to the report I have, he doesn't.
The counsellor at Children's Mental Health Services was wonderful with Tiger. Ultimately after several visits the counsellor told me that the public school system just isn't the right fit for all children, and that perhaps Tiger just couldn't thrive in that environment. The counsellor pointed out that the school system was causing the frustration that Tiger was feeling.
I let the school know that I was going to let Tiger finish out the school year and then start homeschooling him again the following September. At that point, the school suddenly started making accomodations for Tiger such as letting him put on ear phones and listen to music when he was upset, rewarding him for behaviour with sticker books and "Yes" puzzles. Suddenly he wasn't sent home from school anymore and was being very compliant when he was there.
At the end of the school year they promised at the urging of the counsellor from Children's Mental Health Services that they would have these same accomodations if I sent him back to school in September. Children's Mental Health Services made it very clear to the school that the accomodations were clearly working, and that if they wanted whatever money it is that they get for each child enrolled, they would keep those accomodations in place. Well...guess what folks. September came, and all of the accomodations were gone.
This year he's only been sent home about 4 times for behavioural reasons. One of those times he was sent home because the teacher was giving a lecture on respect and said that all of the children had to respect her. Tiger replied that people have to earn respect and that you have to give it to get it - he was suspended for two days. While I don't condone him contradicting her in class, the child did have a point and I think the two day suspension was a little over the top...Other than those 4 times I had been led to believe that all was well. The Principal continued to patronize me but it was never about Tigers behaviour.
Then I found out about a school in the city about 25 minutes away from here that offers student led hands-on education for children that have difficulty with the normal classroom environment. I wanted desperately to get him in there, and mentioned it to the Principal. Immediately she began bantering me with questions, saying that she didn't think he'd qualify to attend the class, and putting the entire idea down stating that if we moved to get him into the jurisdiction my daughter wouldn't be able to survive in a city school. Not only that, but 10 minutes after I got off the phone with the Principal my daughters teacher called saying that she couldn't see Duck doing well in a city school - indicating the Principal immediately ran to Duck's teacher the second I got off the phone with her and told her what I wanted to do. Not that it was any big secret, but I was a little bit disgusted...
So, I filled out Tiger's application for the new school and took it in. About a month later they arranged for him to have a visit to the new class. In order for him to visit the class he had to take a morning off from his current school. I let the school know that he would be absent that morning and away we went. Tiger had a wonderful time and really enjoyed himself during his class visit. Then we took him back to the school he currently attends. We barely made it through the front doors when the Principal and Vice Principal were on us bombarding us with questions, and repeating the reasons why their school was better. The Principal made it very clear that she would do everything she could to make sure that Tiger did not get accepted to the new school.
Yesterday morning the phone rang. It was the Principal at Tiger's current school. She informed me that she had just had a lengthy "heated" meeting regarding both Tiger and Duck with their teachers. She informed me that both children had missed 5.5 days of school this year and that she was considering charging me with truancy. I was very upset and wasn't thinking clearly at the time. I let her say her piece and then I said that I would work at making sure they didn't miss any more school and we hung up. I was very upset that they had a meeting about my children's attendance and didn't even give me the curtesy of an invitation...
After I hung up I realized that 5.5 days is not an excessive amount of school to miss. I thought about it some more and decided to break it down. Of Ducks 5.5 days of absence:
3 days were days the school sent her home sick 1.5 days were because they sent her home with headlice 1 day was because I kept her home sick
In Tigers case of the 5.5 days:
2 days were because he was sent home due to behaviour 1 day was because of they sent him home with headlice 1 day I was told not to send him because they had a substitute teacher 1 day was because I kept him home sick .5 of a day was because he went to his class visit at the other school
When I broke it down, I realized that not only had they not missed an excessive amount of school, but that most of the school they had missed was because the school had either sent them home or requested that I not send them. I immediately called the Principal back and explained the breakdown to her, and told her that if she were going to charge anyone with truancy she should be charging herself, their teachers or the secretary - not me!
So, now that I've written this incredibly long post (I really am sorry for that, but it was necessary in order to explain everything)I've decided that enough is enough. If Tiger doesn't get in to that other school I am going to homeschool Tiger and Duck again starting in September. I don't need this crap and neither do my children.
It appears that Jenny over at Absolutely Bananas has tagged me with the Three Things Meme. Before you run away I want you to know that I'm not going to tag everyone who reads the post like I did the last time - so please don't be afraid to read to the bottom...
Three Things That Scare Me:
1. My mother 2. My bank balance 3. The ever expanding pile of laundry in front of the washer
Three People Who Make Me Laugh:
1. George W. Bush 2. Me 3. You Three Things I Love:
1. Chocolate 2. My family 3. Me Three Things I Hate:
1. Me 2. Mornings 3. Being old
Three Things I Don’t Understand:
1. Why some people don't have a clue 2. How my kids keep getting older even though I keep getting younger 3. US politics Three Things On My Desk:
1. A glass of water 2. My cigarettes 3. Digital Camera Three Things I’m Doing Right Now:
1. Trying to think of answers for this very long meme 2. Sitting on my butt 3. Fantasizing about Jack Nicholson Three Things I Want To Do Before I Die:
1. Jack Nicholson 2. Visit the pyramids 3. See my grandchildren Three Things I Can Do:
1. My husband 2. Wiggle my ears 3. Cook extremely delicious fudge
Three Things I Can’t Do:
1. Pick my nose with my toes 2. Run for President of the United States 3. Fly
Three Things I Think You Should Listen To:
1. Your inner voice 2. Me 3. Your kids Three Things You Should Never Listen To:
1. Me 2. Howard Stern 3. People who give you advice who have never had children themselves
Three Things I’d Like To Learn:
1. How to skydive 2. How to sing 3. How to fly
Three Favorite Foods:
1. Chocolate 2. Steak 3. Perogies Three Shows I Watched As A Kid:
1. Kroft Superstars (anyone remember that one...) 2. Hong Kong Fooey 3. Zoom Three Things I Regret:
1. Not realizing how many questions were in this meme 2. Not continuing in my previous career 3. Not taking more pictures of the kids when they were younger and finally... Three Reasons Why I'm Not Going To Tag Anyone:
1. Last time I tagged everyone who read to the bottom of the meme, and I don't want people to be afraid to read to the bottom of my posts 2. I'm too lazy to look through archives to see who hasn't done this one yet 3. If you're psychic you'll know I was going to tag you and do the meme anyway...
Bear is almost 15 now and we talk very openly about many things. Last night we had a conversation that covered sex, drugs and his choice of music. I've been very concerned about his generation, but last night he put me in my place and made me realize that most of the finger pointing should be towards my generation.
He's taking Health Class at school, so I initiated a conversation about pre-marital sex and casual sex. He matter-of-factly pointed out that he is not having sex, and that sex was a bigger problem in the 70's during the free love movement. He does carry a condom in his wallet, but he says that's "just in case", and he made it clear that I should be happy that he is prepared to protect himself from unwanted pregnancies and STD's should the need arise...
I can't stand a discussion where I'm not the one making the important points, so I turned the conversation to drugs. Once again I was informed that drugs were probably a bigger problem in my generation during the 70's than they are today. He told me that he's not a hippy and has no desire for a psychedelic experience...
Shot down once more, I decided to go after his music. I asked him why, if sex and drugs weren't more of a problem today, did some of the music he listens to explicitly discuss them in the lyrics. That's when he pulled out the big guns and made reference to some songs from generations gone by. The songs he referred to were Bob Dylan's "Everybody Must Get Stoned", The Beatles "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds", and Chuck Berry's "My Ding-aling."
Well...I've been tagged by Karen at Virtually There to list 7 songs that I would listen to, if I could only listen to 7 songs for the rest of my life. I apologize to her for taking so long to get it up, but here there are:
1. Undercover Angel by Alan O'Day - I've always loved the song, but now that he emailed me it's going to my all time favorite.
2. Eternal Flame by the Bangles - I walked down the aisle to it.
3. My Strongest Weakness by Wynona Judd - I love this song enough that although it's a breakup song I had it played while people were seated at my wedding and I don't think anyone noticed.
4. The Green Green Grass Of Home by Tom Jones - It was my fathers favorite and it was played at his funeral.
5. He Stopped Loving Her Today by George Jones - I want it played at my husbands funeral.
6. Paradise By The Dashboard Lights by Meatloaf - hey, you gotta love Meatloaf...
7. Time Warp from the Rocky Horror Picture Show - I'm sorry, I know I'm weird but I love this song. After all, it's just a jump to the left...
Oh wow - at seven already...and there are so many songs I love...I think I'd die of music deprivation...
So, instead of tagging 7 people, I'm going to tag everyone who actually read this entire post! That's right...Everyone of you unless of course you've already done it. Tag...You're It!!!
If you've ever been to a store, a mall, or a fast food line up, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. A shopping expedition can turn into a nightmare with other inconsiderate shoppers flocking all around. Frustration and tension build up inside you until you feel like you are going to explode... I don't hate all shoppers, only certain ones. Let's discuss the shoppers who infuriate me the most, shall we... Shoppers Who Don't Drive The Speed Limit
Shoppers who push their carts as slowly as they possibly can down the aisle of the grocery store, Wal-Mart or whatever store you happen to be in, can be especially infuriating. They strategically position their carts to take up most of the aisle, so that there is no way to steer around them. As you follow them slowly down the aisle you are silently, but carefully planning your escape route when you finally reach the end of the aisle. Suddenly, halfway down the aisle, they stop their cart to look at a particular item.
They not only stop to look at the item - they begin to study it. Carefully looking over the packaging, they take the time to slowly read all of the writing and then spend several minutes deciding whether or not they want to purchase the item... All the while, you are stuck standing there, waiting impatiently. Finally, shopping cart rage sets in. You want desperately to either run the slow shopper over or to bump into them and push them down to towards the end of the aisle. Your better judgment gets a hold of you, and you back up down the aisle and enter a new aisle. You quickly discover that your escape was in vain - the new aisle has a different shopper who doesn't drive the speed limit...
Shoppers Who Ask Your Opinion
I hate being in a clothing store when a total stranger who is probably a size 2 steps out of the dressing room and asks me if an outfit makes them look fat. Ya, okay, witch - rub it in a bit why don't you! It's bad enough that this girl is so skinny that she disappears when she turns sideways. It infuriates me that out of all the other shoppers in the store and the sales girls working there, she chooses to ask me what I think.
I've had four children, and I'm not big, but I have lumps and bumps. When this happens, I always chin up and smile. I have to hold back and bite my tongue to refrain from saying, "It makes you look huge - your butt looks enormous in that dress!" Instead, I keep my cool, tell her it looks good and move on. Every fiber of my being wants to buy Miss Little Size 2 a Big Mac and fries - and SUPERSIZE it!!!
Shoppers Who Think The Store Is For Socializing
Pushing my shopping cart down an aisle in the grocery store, only to find two people taking up the entire aisle as they stand there and tell each other all about their weekends, drives me nuts. It's the grocery store - not a coffee shop! What the heck are these people thinking?!? Don't they realize that there are serious shoppers there, who just want to buy their food and go home? I always wind up backing down the aisle and moving on to the next one out of frustration, but I just want to yell, "Take it to the coffee shop, and get the heck out of my way!"
Shoppers Who Don't Have Enough Money
As a rule, you only wind up in line at the check out behind some of these people when you're in a hurry.... You stand there waiting patiently as they put all of their 500,000 items on the counter - one at a time... Then finally you get impatient, lay down the little divider and start putting your items up there too - after all, anything that can speed up the process a little bit will get you out of the store and to wherever you want to go. However, as this shopper's last item is rung through, and the cashier gives them the total, you see a look of horror cross the shoppers face. As they dig furiously through their purse or wallet, you know that the worst has happened - they don't have enough money.
So now, the shopper is telling the customer to take off this, and to take off that... All the while, you are stuck there tapping your feet and twiddling your thumbs as you wait... You just want to scream at the person. The shopper knew how much money they had before they ever walked into the store, and obviously they didn't make sure they stayed within that range. Why should you have to suffer due to their stupidity? Finally, the cashier works it out to a total the shopper can manage, and the shopper gets out of your way, so you can finally pay for your purchases and get out of the store... Shoppers Who Don't Know What They Want
If you've ever been in a fast food line, you know this shopper well. This shopper is the person who has been standing in line in front of you for the past 10 minutes while you've been reading the menu boards and carefully planning your order. You know exactly what you want 2 minutes into it, and can't wait to get to the counter and place your order. When the shopper in front of you finally gets to the front of the line, they stand there with their eyes big, and their mouth gaping open. "I'm not sure what I want", they say. "There are so many choices and everything looks so good." You, and everyone in line behind you, starts to get annoyed.
How hard can it be to order fast food? It's not rocket science. You just want the person to order something and move on. The cashier is getting frustrated too, but she stands there with a smile on her face, and you know she just wants to tell the person to get the heck out of the line until they know what they want. Everyone is staring at the shopper waiting for a decision to stumble from their lips, and when it finally does the whole line feels like cheering...
Shoppers Who Suffer From Exact Change Syndrome
We all do this from time to time, but most of us only do it when we know we have the exact change and can readily get at it, or when there isn't a huge lineup behind us. The stupid shopper will stand there, with 20 people in line behind them, and slowly count out each nickel, dime and penny. Never mind the 20 people in line behind them who are waiting impatiently. Right now the most important thing in the world is getting the exact change right down to the penny. Maybe, just maybe, they will have the exact change, but more often than not, they look up at the cashier, smile, and explain that they don't have the exact change after all.
I once stood in line behind a woman who proceeded to pull several socks out of her handbag, each containing a different denomination of coinage. As I waited, she carefully untied each sock, and very carefully counted out the exact change... I hope I never run into her in a store again...
All of these types of shoppers are everywhere out in full force. It's like a mutiny. There is nothing we can do to stop them. Maybe someday there will be mandatory high school course on Shopping Etiquette. Until then I'm forced to spend a life stuck in aisles and check out lines with stupid shoppers in front me who are very lucky I that I able to restrain myself from pushing them along...
